Did you hear that Princess Di was on the radio a couple of weeks ago?
Yep, and on the dashboard, and on the window, and on the hood....
Why did the tunnel in Paris get so red?
Because they got Di all over it.
How did they know that the driver had dandruff?
They found his head and shoulders in the glove box.
What was the last thing Diana & Dodi had to drink?
4 Harvey Wallbangers, 2 Slammers, followed by 6 chasers.
What's the difference between Princess Di and Tiger Woods?
He's got a better driver.
There's a new organization out there to fight drunk driving....
M.A.D.D. Monarchs Against Drunk Drivers.
What's the difference between a Mercedes and a Porsche?
Diana wouldn't be seen dead in a Porsche!
Dodi said to his driver when in England...
Do you want to come to Paris with me and "Di"?
What does a mercedes and a squid have in common?
Nothing - you have to cut them both open to get the "Di" out.
What was the last thing Di said to Dodi?
Don't you think were taking this thing a little too fast?
What's the difference between Princess Di and the Notre Dame Football Team?
Notre Dame made it out of the tunnel.
Why is Nancy Reagan miffed at Princess Diana?
Because Diana gets to wear the next Versace collection before she does.
Diana's last words: "I said 'Beat them all', NOT 'Eat the wall!!!'"
What did the Queen Mother give Fergie for her birthday?
A Black Mercedes and a trip to Paris.
What do you give the princess who has everything?
A seatbelt and an airbag.
What did St Peter say to Di at the Pearly Gates?
Wipe that "merc" off your face.
What's the difference between the London Ritz and the Paris Ritz?
You get mints after dinner at the London Ritz and minced after dinner at the Paris Ritz.
Of course, I could add that the police at the scene didn't need to add chalk outlines....
There was Di all over the road.
What's the difference between a Mercedes 600 and a can of spam?
They give you a key to get the meat out a can of spam.
How many paparazzi does it take to kill Di?
50. One to drive infront of Di and 49 to take pictures.
How can you tell which one was Charles at the funeral?
He was the one talking to the flowers.
Did you hear that Di is going to get married again?
They say its a match made in heaven.
Why did Dodi invest in construction?
He wanted to make a big impact on the concrete industry.
Why did Henry Paul swerve into the pillar?
He wanted to see if a Mercedes Bends....
Why did Princess Diana get to the Pearly Gates before Mother Theresa?
Mother T. deserved a Royal Reception.
Did you hear they are going to make a movie about her?
It's going to be called "Di hard" or "Live and Let Di"
How does one make mincemeat? Use a mincer...
How does the Government make mincemeat? They build tunnels.
Its politically incorrect to say that someone has Di'd.
You say someone's life came to an end.
Why did Elton John sing at Diana's funeral?
The Crash Test Dummies couldn't make it!
What does DIANA stand for?
Died in a nasty accident.
What did Mother Theresa ask Diana the last time they met?
"Can you give me a crash course in media recognition?"
What did St. Peter say to Dodi when they met at the Pearly Gates?
"Talk about being royally screwed!"
What did the Pope say when asked, "Why was Diana more popular than Mother Theresa?"
"Well, Di did have a more smashing personality."
What would Di be doing if she were alive today?
Scratching at the lid of her coffin.
Why did Elton john take his boyfriend to the funeral?
So at least one old queen would be seen to cry in public.
If you go out on the grog, then get in a car with a Wog and a Frog and drive like a hog, you'll be as dead as a dog.
Elton John wasn't the only one who composed a song for Di....
Roxette - Crash! Boom! Bang!
Michael Jackson - Blood on the dashboard
What do Lady Di and Pink Floyd have in common?
Their last greatest hit was the WALL.
What did Dodi say to Di before they left the Ritz?
"Do you want to sleep here or crash in the car?"
What does Diana and George Burns have in common?
They both died when they hit 100.
How did Di and Charles dissagree about Modern Archectecture?
Di was wrapt about pre-stressed cement.
What's worse than getting red wine off carpet?
Getting Di off the uphostery.
What do Di and Darren Millane have in common?
They both didn't make it home from the tunnel.
What was Princess Diana's last words to the paparazzi?
"Leave me alone, I'm a bloody princess. You photographers drive me up the wall."
What does Princess Diana have in common with Hugh Grant?
They both bought it in the backseat of a car.
Did the British Secret Service kill Princess Diana?
No, the French underground did it.
What's the difference betwee Elton John and Princess Diana?
One's composing, the other is decomposing.
What did Prince Charles say when he heard about the automobile accident?
Well, that's the way the Mercedes BENZ.
What did Princess Diana die of?
What did Diana say to Dodi when he asked to marry her?
She wanted something more concrete in her life.
Did you hear about the new Pink Floyd album?
"Another Brit in the Wall"