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Princess Di jokes, Volume 2
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Princess Di Jokes (Vol. 1)
Princess Di Jokes (Vol. 2)


    Where were Dodi and Di heading the night of the accident?

    To paint the town red.


    Di and Dodi Top 10 Records:

    Leader of the Pack
    Won't someone buy me a Mercedes-Benz?
    Die Like an Egyptian
    Dead Man's Curve
    Last Time in Paris
    How Much is that Dodi in the Window


    What's the title of the new Princess Diana movie they are making?

    One Wedding and a Funeral.


    Once again Princess Diana proves a big hit in Paris.


    Diana's name has been changed to:

    The Royalty formally known as Princess Di.


    Where did Diana go for her holidays?

    All over Paris.


    What did Princess Diana do when she heard the driver had been drinking?

    She hit the roof.


    What does a bee have in common with a Mercedes?

    They both make Royal Jelly.


    How do you spoil Princess Diana?

    Leave her out in the sun.


    Did you hear that Princess Diana was suffering from PMS?

    Pulverized Mercedes Syndrome.


    Now there is a new pizza place, the "Paparazzi Pizza" delivery.

    You don't have to give them your address, they'll find you no matter where you are.


    Elton John is writing a tribute for Mother Teresa.

    He's calling it "Sandals in the Bin".


    What's the difference between Lady Di and the East Germans?

    The East Germans survived the wall.


    What's the bumper sticker on Fergie's car?

    I brake for Paparazzi.


    What does Dodi and Dodo have in common?

    They are both extinct.


    What happens when you french kiss a fairy tale Princess?

    The frog turns into a wall and croaks.


    What was Princess Diana's last dessert dish?

    A turnover.


    What's the difference between a Mercedes and Princess Diana?

    A Mercedes will easily reach 40.


    Why don't you want to buy golf clubs at Harrods?

    Their drivers suck.


    What was the last thing Dodi said to Di?

    "You look smashing!"


    What did the mortuary assistant say as he unzipped the body bag?

    "Zippady Dodi, zippady Di!"


    Whats the difference between George Best and the driver of the car?

    George Best can still take corners when he's pissed.


    I guess it was true,,, princess Di did have her Eye on that arabic guy.


    What were Diana's last words to the paparazzi?

    No photos. I'ma bloody mess.


    What's the difference between Ramsey Street and Prince Charles?

    One has a Mrs Mangle, the other has a Mangled Mrs.


    What does Princess Diana's bumper sticker say?

    My other car's a decoy.


    The paparazzi asked Prince Charles if he has had sex since divorcing Diana.

    He replied, "infrequently." The paparazzi responded by saying, "Is that one word or two?"


    Who attended the recent Diana gowns auction at Christies?

    Michael Jackson. He asked "how much for her bones."


    Have you heard about the Princess Diana computer virus?

    Your computer speeds up, your driver runs into a post processor, and your hard drive crashes.


    What kind of battery did the Mercedes have?

    A DI HARD.


    What's the difference between Princess Diana and Elton John?

    Princess Diana never became a queen of England.


    If Princess Diana's heart was in the right place,

    why was it found on the dashboard?


    Apparently the chauffeur wasn't the only legless person in the car.


    Bearing in mind the driver was pissed out of his head, Diana's family should forget trying to sue the paparazzi...

    they haven't got a leg to stand on.


    Apparently, Diana had a pizza in the Ritz before the fatal journey...

    The silly girl asked for extra paparazzi.


    What sound did the ambulance make?

    .....Dodi dodi dodi dodi dodi dodi....


    What is the difference between leeches and the paparazzi?

    Leeches fall off after you die.


    How did The Royal Family stop the paparazzi from visiting Diana's grave?

    By placing Land mines around it.


    Why did dianna and charles get divorced?

    They had a fight over who wore the skirt in the family.


    What was the first question the paramedics had when they reached the crash site?

    Pardon me, do you have any Grey Poupon?


    In light of the recent death, OJ is now saying the paparazzi did it.


    What was Princess Diana wearing the night of the crash?

    Crushed velvet.


    What's the one word that could have saved Princess Diana's life?

    Taxi.


    What's the difference between Princess Di and Henri Paul?

    One had Royal Crowns the other had Crown Royals.


    Did you hear that Diana had Blue eyes?

    Yep, one blew out the left window and the other out the right window.


    What did Di and Mother Theresa have in common?

    They were both chaste/chased.


    What does DODI stand for?

    Died Of Driver Intoxication.


    What's the difference between the Chicago Bears and Princess Di?

    The Bears don't die until after they come out of the tunnel!


    Too bad O.J. wasn't driving!


    Was Princess Diana crazy that night?

    No, but she was nearly in Seine.


    What does Princess Diana and a bottle of French wine have in common?

    They both came from France in a wooden box.


    Elton John is now writing his next song about himself...

    It's called "Like a Gerbil in the Wind."


    Why didn't the capsized Haitian boat that drowned 300 people make big news for more than a day?

    It was discovered that none of them on board was a princess.


    What are the paparazzi charged with at the scene of the crime?

    Ma'am slaughter.


    Princess Diana was once a kindergarten teacher?

    Now she's history.


    If you throw Kitty Kelley's new book about Princess Diana out of a car window ,

    does it become Kitty litter?


    Princess Diana was found to be the favorite royal in a recent pole.


    Its a good thing Gianni Versace died first...

    The news of Dianna's death would have killed him.


    Mike Tyson has agreed to fight Prince Charles for his next boxing match.

    It seems that no one else has big enough ears to go 12 rounds.


    Why did the Princess cross the road?

    Because she wasn't wearing a seatbelt.


    What's on the "B" side of Candle in the Wind?

    Crash, Bang, Wallop what a picture!


    Did you know that Princess Diana had AIDS?

    Automobile Impacted Diana Spencer
    Another Idiot Driver Smashed


    If Teddy Kennedy was driving, they would have taken the bridge.


    With Mother Teresa also dying it's...

    Catholics one, Protestants one.


    They found a new job for Harald Junke.

    As a Driver at the Paris Rytz


    Bad news for Princess Diana's Bulemia...

    She's losing weight again!


    Bill Gates was dissapointed to hear how Diana died...

    Her Crashes affect more people than his.


    What does Di and Freddie Mercury have in common?

    Both had to die to get away from Queen.


    When is a princess not a princess?

    When she turns into a pole.


    What's Diana's newest title?

    The Lady in Red.


    "Knock Knock"
    "Who's there?"
    "Diana, Princess of Wales."
    "Sorry, but I don't open the door for dead people."
    "Knock Knock"
    "Who's there?"
    "Mother Theresa."
    "I thought I said I don't answer the door for dead people."
    "Knock Knock."
    "Who's there?"
    "Elvis Presley."
    "Hey, let's hurry! Burger King closes in an half hour..."


    What does world hunger and a mercedes have in common?

    Diana can't stop either.


    What's the difference between a BMW and a Mercedes?

    BMW doesn't get any royalties.


    Dodi and Diana wanted a wedding made in heaven....

    Versace was sent up first to get the wedding gown and decorative preparations done for the occasion;

    Then D & D went on together;

    Mother Teresa went next to bless the couple;

    An invitation was sent to Elton John to sing at the service but somehow it was misdirected and went to John Denver instead.....


    Whats the difference between Princess Di and a blade of grass?

    About 6 feet.


    By the way, how many paparazzi does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    None. They're too busy taking pictures.


    What does DODI stand for?

    Died on direct impact


    What is the new perfume named after Di?

    Impact


    Whats the diffirence between Diana an Casper the ghost?

    Casper can go through walls, Diana can't


    Did you hear about Elton John's new album featuring 'Candle in the Wind?

    They decided not to call it 'Live in Paris'.


    Whats the similarities between a broken arm and Princess Di?

    You need to get a doctor in to remove the plaster of paris.


    One of the paparazzi managed to get a last quote from Di after the accident but is unable to release it publicly because of the ban...

    All he could say was that she really needed to get something off her chest.


    Why was Princess Diana's car going so fast.

    She was late for her flying lesson with John Denver.


    Whats the difference between 39pence and Princess Di?

    Its easier to scrape together 39pence.


    Would Diana have been buried if she had been married to Dodi?

    No, she would then have been mummy-Fied.


    Why is Di like a moblie phone?

    They both die in tunnels!!


    ...so St. Peter says to Diana, "other than that, how was Paris?"


    Bill Gates was dissapointed to hear how Diana died...

    Her Crashes affect more people than his.


    What do Lady Di and the Beatles have in common?

    They both made quite an impact over in Europe.


    Doesn't it drive you up the wall to see so many Princess Diana jokes?

    Makes ya want to go get drunk and drive into a post, doesn't it.


    What's the difference between those who get offended by Princess Diana jokes and a puppy?

    The puppy eventually stops whining.



What do Mercedes cars and babies have in common ?

They both spit there Dodys out.



What's the difference between Diana and a fly?

A fly hits the window from outside.



What's black and white and red all over?

Diana's last outfit.



Wouldn't Kansas' " Dust In The Wind" be a more fitting song?



Whats the difference between Princess Diana and a coffee filter?

One gets tucked in a funnel, the other...



What does Princess Di & Janice Joplin have in common?

They both died of an overdose of speed.



What did the Conservatives call Lady Di?

A bleeding heart liberal.



What's the latest perfume in honour of Diana?

Tunnelle No. 5



What's the difference between the deaths of John Denver, Sonny Bono & Princess Di?

One died going into a hill,
one died going down hill,
and one died under a hill.



Why does the British Press hate funeral homes and undertakers?

Because the undertakers were the last ones to dig up any dirt on Diana.



What did Dodi forget to give Di for an engagement present?

A subscription to LIFE magazine.



What was the last movie thaT Di and Dodi watched together?

The Last Tangle in Paris.



What was Dodi's favorite state when in the USA?

In-diana.



Why did Dodi insist on his body guard driving the Mercedes?

Because he was afraid some fool might try to kill everyone in the car.



Why did Diana's bodyguard wear a seat belt?

Because he was never one to buckle under pressure.



What was Diana's final hairstyle?

A French twist.



What is the latest fashion craze since Dodi & Di's accident?

Designer crash helmets.



Why did some people call Diana's fatal car crash a miracle?

Because a full-sized Mercedes Sedan went into the tunnel...
and a sub-compact convertible came out.



Why did the French Police confiscate Paparazzi pictures taken at the crash scene?

They were too cheap to buy a copy of the Enquirer for themselves.



Why did Henri Paul get drunk before the fatal car crash?

Would YOU want to die sober?



What did St. Peter say when Mother Teresa complained that Princess Di was sporting a bigger halo?

"Hey, if you look closely enough it's a steering wheel!



Why was Diana fortunate to die in Paris?

In London she would have died 1 hour earlier!



It seems that the doctors have finally found a sure fire way to tell if a blonde is brain dead...

They just check to see if Elton John's written a song about her.



What's the difference between Hugh Grant and princess Di?

They both get screwed in cars.