The Calico Chronicles,
an exploration of the nature and quality of happiness.
Lawyer jokes
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  1. Lawyers
    A paralegal, an associate and a partner of a prestigous N.Y. law firm are walking through Central Park on their way to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke.

    The Genie says: "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one each".

    "Me first! Me first" says the paralegal. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! He's gone.

    In astonishment, "Me next! Me next!" says the associate. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of pina coladas and the love of my life." Poof! She's gone.

    You're next" the Genie says to the partner.

    The partner says, "I want those two back in the library after lunch"

  2. Barber
    A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut but the barber refused saying, "I cannot accept money from you, for you are a good man - you do God's work." The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop.

    A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment saying, "I cannot accept money from you, for you are a good man - you protect the public." The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts at the door to his shop.

    A lawyer came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment saying, "I cannot accept money from you, for you are a good man - you serve the justice system." The next morning the barber found a dozen more lawyers waiting for a haircut.

  3. Lawyer's Fees I
    A lawyer charged a man $500 for legal services. The man paid him with crisp new $100 bills. After the client left, the lawyer discovered that two bills had stuck together -- he'd been overpaid by $100.

    The ethical dilemma for the lawyer: Should he tell his partner?

  4. Lawyer's Fees II
    A man walked into a lawyer's office and inquired about the lawyer's rates.

    "$50.00 for three questions", replied the lawyer.

    "Isn't that awfully steep?" asked the man.

    "Yes," the lawyer replied, "and what was your third question?"

  5. Clever Lawyer
    A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. Finally, a reward was offered for his capture, and an enterprising Texas ranger decided to track him down.

    After a lengthy search, he traced the bandit to his favorite cantina, snuck up behind him, put his trusty six-shooter to the bandit's head, and said, "You're under arrest. Tell me where you hid the loot or I'll blow your brains out."

    But the bandit didn't speak English, and the Ranger didn't speak Spanish. Fortunately, a bilingual lawyer was in the saloon and translated the Ranger's message. The terrified bandit blurted out, in Spanish, that the loot was buried under the oak tree in back of the cantina.

    "What did he say?" asked the Ranger.

    The lawyer answered, "He said 'Get lost, you turkey. You wouldn't dare shoot me.'"

  6. Justice
    A lawyer had a jury trial in a very difficult business case. The client who had attended the trial was out of town when the jury came back with its decision, which was for the lawyer and his client. The lawyer immediately sent a telegram to his client, reading "Justice has triumphed!" The client wired back, "Appeal at once!"